She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
