They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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