the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
