Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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