hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
