my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
