Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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