One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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