you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize