goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
