I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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