Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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