oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
