Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
