she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
