I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
