do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
