the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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