How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
