yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
