It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We got so high we made milksteak
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
