Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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