The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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