Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
