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so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
