I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
