Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
