A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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