HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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