Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
