I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
