I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
