Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
