a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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