His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
