god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
