Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
