My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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