I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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