I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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