ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
