Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
