Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
