FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
