My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
