you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
