I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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