He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
