Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
