hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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