It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
