Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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