Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
