She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came so hard my ears popped.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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