I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
BRING THE BAGELS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
