She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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