Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm at about main and main street
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
