id be glad to
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
