my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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