everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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