I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
