Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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