it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
