I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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