I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
