I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I checked into jail on foursquare
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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