you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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